


Generations

by verhalen



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Adoption, F/M, Force Ghost(s), Implied/Referenced Sex, Jedi, My Usual Criticism of the Jedi Code, Nausea, No Smut, Non-Explicit, Order 66, Pregnancy, Sad, The Jedi Order Sucks, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vomiting, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-17 00:03:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16505309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verhalen/pseuds/verhalen
Summary: When two Force-sensitives have a baby, it is often stronger in the Force than their parents - or if the Force-sensitivity skips a generation, they will be stronger in the Force than their grandparents.Jocasta Nu takes a dark secret to her grave.





	Generations

"Wake up, sleepyhead."

Sifo-Dyas smiled before opening his eyes, as Jocasta rained kisses over his face. When his dark eyes blinked open, looking into Jocasta's blue eyes, his smile got bigger and he reached up to stroke her cheek, then her dark blonde hair - usually tied up in a severe bun, he was the only one who got to see her with her hair down.

"Good morning, beautiful," he said, before returning a soft, sweet kiss.

Jocasta kissed him back, harder. Her hands roamed over his muscular, caramel-skinned chest, lingering in the patch of curly dark hair. But before Sifo could slip the camisole off her shoulders Jocasta sat up and gestured to the time.

"I have to get ready for an early start," she said. "I have a presentation to give the younglings today."

"Aw, dammit." Sifo frowned. "Wasn't Master Omali supposed to do that today?"

"Master Omali got called away on an emergency mission, which is why they asked me to do it on such short notice." The hurt puppydog look on Sifo's face made Jocasta chuckle and she came back to him to give him a squeeze and a kiss. "I can make it up to you tonight."

"OK." Sifo kissed the tip of her nose.

Jocasta got up, and before she could make her way to the fresher, Sifo gave her a playful swat on the bum. Jocasta gave him a mock scandalized look, and then used the Force to smack Sifo's behind in turn, harder, making him yelp. Jocasta laughed as she used the Force to grab her Jedi robes and stepped into the fresher.

As the thirty-year-old Jedi librarian worked on styling her hair into its usual bun in the mirror, she felt a pit of nausea rising in her stomach. _It's just nerves,_ she told herself. She felt awkward around younglings, and having to give a presentation to them was not her idea of a good morning. She took a few deep breaths, steeling herself in the Force. _You can do this._

But the nausea lingered, and when her hair was done, she decided to make herself some dry toast. 

Sifo had already put on his Jedi robes, and had made himself a pot of stimcaf before he did his usual routine of opening the door a crack and looking up and down the halls, determining if it was clear to leave Jocasta's quarters without being spotted leaving them at a suspicious hour. Their relationship was a secret - they would both be exiled from the Jedi Order if caught, with Force Sever performed by the Council on their way out. Being disconnected from the Force was a fate deemed by many to be worse than death, and indeed there were accounts of former Jedi who had gone mad and committed suicide after losing their connection to the Force; suicide was itself a taboo to the Jedi. Jocasta and Sifo understood why the Jedi Order prohibited attachments like theirs - they were each other's strength but they were also each other's greatest weakness, one that could be exploited by enemies or contribute to bad decisions based in emotions rather than rational thinking. But they had been together since their late teens, and their bond had only grown stronger with time.

Such was their bond that Sifo began to make her toast without her even asking him to. When the toast was ready he put it on a plate for her. "You OK, love?" he asked, looking concerned.

Jocasta nodded. "Just a little nauseated, probably from nerves. This should settle my stomach."

"You'll do fine." Sifo smiled. The way his brilliant smile lit up his face, and especially his dark brown eyes, made Jocasta smile back despite herself - it had a way of making her feel that all was right with the world, at least right then.

It was thinking of Sifo's smile, and the dry toast, that got Jocasta through her history presentation to the Jedi Academy. She knew that history bored many of the students, and most of the thanks she got as the younglings left the assembly were hollow courtesy gestures. She sometimes envied the Jedi Masters who got to go on exciting, dangerous missions, but only sometimes. Most of the time, she could have little vacations in her mind, reading a book.

It was time for a much-needed tea break. Jocasta walked down to the canteen, and when she was halfway there, the nausea started again, enough that she had to lean against a wall to catch her breath.

She was not alone. "Yan." She felt him before she saw him.

Dooku gave a polite little bow. "Master Nu," he said. Even though they had been crechemates, and friends since their teen years, he was always ridiculously formal with her; sometimes she wanted to backhand him for it. _Can't you ever just be a normal person,_ she felt like screaming. But no, he could not - though he had voluntarily passed on his Count title to his younger brother, the Serennian aristocracy was still very obvious. Dooku was always unfailingly a gentleman. Especially now, when the last thing Jocasta wanted was someone fussing over her. "You seem unwell. Would you like me to escort you to the infirmary?"

Jocasta shook her head. "No, I'm fine, thank you, Yan. My stomach's a little upset - I just gave a presentation to the Jedi Academy. So I'm about to have some tea to settle my nerves."

"Ah." Dooku nodded. "I hope it does the trick." He started to walk off. "Please tell Sifo I said hello and he owes me a game of dejarik, yes?"

"Bye, Yan." Jocasta ducked into the canteen before Dooku could change his mind and usher her off to the infirmary; she didn't need the healers nagging her to meditate more, drink less caf, and other nonsense.

The tea at the canteen relaxed her enough that her stomach stopped protesting, and then it was back to the sanctuary of the library. _Her_ library. It was her sanctuary. A few hours in the library, and what remained of her stress melted away. By the time she got back to her quarters, she was in a downright cheerful mood, humming to herself as she let herself in.

Sifo was already there, making them dinner. He did that enough that it wasn't a surprise in and of itself. Seeing that he had a bottle of Soravian wine, and there were lit candles - that was a surprise. As was the bubble bath for the two of them after dinner. And the rose petals scattered on the way to the bed, after Sifo picked her up out of the bath and carried her over.

"I know you had a rough day," Sifo said as he massaged her back.

"I barely even remember it now," Jocasta purred, melting into the bed.

 

_

 

But the nausea was all too familiar when she woke up the next morning. She didn't have a stressful day with younglings ahead of her - just her usual job at the library. This time, the nausea was bad enough to make her kneel over the toilet with dry heaves. Nothing came up, but Jocasta wished it would, to give her some relief. Instead, the nausea lingered. Jocasta considered calling out, but that would necessitate a trip to the infirmary for a healer's note and she didn't want the aggravation, when she could otherwise do her job, and by the time she got to the library, she was fine.

That afternoon, the nausea came back. When it was closing time, she took a detour to walk through the Temple Gardens, in case this was lingering nerves - the Living Force was strong there, and she always felt peace in the Gardens. The walk seemed to help, and she and Sifo had a cozy night watching a holomovie, eating leftovers from the night before.

On the third day of nausea, Sifo patted the bed when Jocasta came out of the fresher, indicating for her to sit next to him. He had his Jedi robes on, so it wasn't an invitation for sex, but an invitation to talk.

"You should go to the infirmary," Sifo told her.

"I will if this continues but I really do think it's just stress," Jocasta said.

"Well," Sifo said, with a sigh, "when's the last time you got out?"

"Uh..." Jocasta couldn't remember. "It's been at least a few weeks, if not months."

"That. Right there." Sifo wagged a finger. "Tonight, instead of coming straight home? Why not go out into the city? Do a little shopping -"

"- I don't need anything -"

"- You like to read, there's bookstores, with new novels being released all the time -"

"- New trash -"

"And maybe some treasure among the trash. Or if nothing else, something you can bring home and we can make fun of together."

Jocasta laughed aloud, and Sifo laughed with her. It felt good to laugh.

"But you can treat yourself, a little," Sifo said. "New book. Maybe some sexy underwear." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and Jocasta rolled her eyes, chuckling. "Just... go have fun for a little while."

"I don't do fun. The Jedi don't do fun."

"The Jedi don't do sex, either, but we have plenty of it."

"All right. Fine."

Jocasta took Sifo's suggestion and took out a speeder bike from the Temple garage and rode into the city. She always felt a bit awkward out there, especially doing anything like shopping - such trips usually aggravated her nerves rather than calmed them - but she realized that weeks of seeing nothing but the Jedi Temple was probably negatively affecting her and a change of scenery for a little while might be in her best interests.

In a bookstore, it finally happened - she vomited. She apologized profusely to the clerks, and then to the owner. She expected the owner to berate her, threaten to charge her some exorbitant amount of money that would be more than what the entire Jedi Order had in its bank, and instead the kindly old Togruta insisted she see a doctor.

"Yes, I will see one tonight, one of the healers at the Temple," Jocasta said.

"No. You'll see one now."

The Togruta sent his daughters to personally escort Jocasta to a nearby clinic. They sat with her in the waiting room. Jocasta felt more and more awkward - she considered throwing Jedi mind tricks at the young women and running off, but she knew that would cause a scene that would get back to the Council somehow. _Better to just go along with this and hey, maybe there is something wrong and I should know about it._ Jocasta rubbed her stomach without thinking about it, then realized what she was doing and stopped, feeling even more awkward.

A female Twi'lek nurse called Jocasta's name, and she was led to a back room where she was put on a scale and had her vitals checked. Then she was asked some questions, including about the date of her last menstrual period. Jocasta paused at that question, realizing she didn't remember right away. She was shown a calendar and upon looking at the dates, she frowned; her period usually came like clockwork, and that she hadn't had her period in six weeks was a bit alarming. She'd heard a woman's period could stop in times of extreme stress. _Maybe I need a vacation._

The nurse wanted to do some bloodwork. Jocasta hated needles but it got done and over with, and she sat there as the nurse put the vial in her tricorder and waited for the tricorder to read it. At last the nurse said, "Congratulations."

"It's not anything serious, then?" Jocasta gave a hopeful little smile.

The Twi'lek smiled, her lekku waving in a way that indicated her smile was genuine. "You are pregnant."

Jocasta's jaw dropped. "Oh." She frowned. "Oh dear."

"Oh." The Twi'lek frowned. "You do not want to be pregnant? I can make you an appointment to terminate -"

Jocasta put up her hand. She felt she needed to talk to Sifo about this - termination was an option. The Jedi Order finding out about the pregnancy was not an option, and Jocasta's first instinct was to flee, but going AWOL would make her wanted by the Republic, and there were consequences for that. She didn't want to give birth in a prison camp.

Jocasta came back to her quarters. She didn't want to talk to Sifo about it right away - let the news sink in for a few more days. But their Force bond was strong enough that Sifo could tell something was wrong. So she confessed that she was pregnant, and they needed to decide what to do about it.

"It's your body and your decision," Sifo told her.

"I feel I need help with deciding this," Jocasta said. "And I feel like every decision is the wrong one."

Jocasta fell apart, sobbing, and Sifo cried with her. That night they did not make love, but just held each other, crying together, consumed by guilt and fear. "I don't understand this," Jocasta said. "We'd been so careful -"

"I guess the Living Force is strong enough with one or both of us that it managed to get past the precautions we've taken," Sifo said.

Jocasta sobbed. "This is why the Jedi Order prohibits... what we do... I guess. Contraceptive methods don't work with us the way they do with normal people... and this life is not one for raising a child..."

"It's not just that." Sifo frowned. "You know all about Jedi history, right?"

"I wouldn't say all, but I would say I know a lot about it."

"Well." Sifo wiped Jocasta's nose, and then his. "Before the Jedi, there was the Je'daii, on Tython. Generations upon generations of Force sensitives, mating with other Force sensitives and raising families. In the last days of the Je'daii, humans were strong enough in the Force to live as long as Yoda without aging much, without needing medical technology to prolong their lives. The Je'daii on Tython created such strong Force energy that it warped the fabric of spacetime and attracted enemies not seen before or since."

"I heard about that, yes." Jocasta nodded.

"And that is where the basis for the prohibition on relationships comes from. Because when two Force sensitives have a child together, that child is also usually Force sensitive - extremely Force sensitive. Or, once in a great while, it skips a generation and the grandchildren or other descendants are even more powerful than their ancestors."

"Like Satele Shan."

"Yes. Exactly like Satele Shan."

Jocasta started sobbing again. "I don't know what to do," she said.

"Neither do I." Sifo sighed. "But the choice must be yours, since this is growing inside you. I will support you in any decision you make - I will even defend you, if necessary."

"We could leave," Jocasta said. "Right now."

"We'd be on the run for the rest of our lives," Sifo said. "That's no way to raise a child. And we'd always feel guilty about abandoning our responsibilities here - which includes service to many younglings."

Jocasta nodded, and cried, and they rocked together, crying until the dawn.

 

_

 

Jocasta wrestled with her decision, and meditated, trying to seek wisdom and clarity about what was best for all involved. She strongly considered terminating the pregnancy before it got too obvious, but she couldn't bring herself to do it, much as she would never condemn that choice for others.

Jedi robes were bulky enough that she could hide the pregnancy for the first trimester, and when she started to show, she donned bulkier robes, and used stronger shielding in the Force, but also made any excuse to be around other Jedi less, and in the solitude of her library more. But before her pregnancy could get to the point where the robes would no longer hide it, she applied for a mission.

The idea was to give birth off-world - as far away from the Jedi Temple as possible, so the Jedi would not feel it in the Force the way they would if she gave birth at the Temple or elsewhere on Coruscant. She would, in the months prior to the birth, make arrangements with an adoption agency on that world, possibly even meet the birth parents, so she could have a way to keep tabs on the child.

After spending some months on Descherra in the Outer Rim, Jocasta received a transmission calling her back to the Jedi Order. She had not given birth yet, and she was afraid that the Order had been alerted to her pregnancy, but it turned out there was civil unrest on Coruscant and the Jedi was calling back as many operatives as they could, who were on "non-essential missions", to provide riot control. Jocasta could not refuse, and she worried about what would happen on her arrival.

The Republic-issue shuttle she'd arrived in had been impounded, and would cost an exorbitant fee to get out of impoundment. Rather than pay that price, it was actually cheaper to buy a shuttle from a used lot in Descherra's capital, though Jocasta insisted on taking a test flight before spending credits. Once she was en route back to Coruscant, the shuttle began to run out of fuel, necessitating a stop for fuel. The nearest system was the Tatoo system; Jocasta landed on Tatooine and stayed at an inn as her ship refueled, keeping an eye on the procedure with a holocamera after she saw the presence of Hutts.

She went into labor several hours after her arrival. The human innkeeper and his wife brought in medics. It was a baby girl, with her fair skin, and Sifo's dark hair and eyes. The medics wanted more credits than what she had, and the innkeeper offered to pay the balance. He and his wife were very kind to Jocasta, and it came out as she ate with them that they had always wanted children of their own, and the wife was infertile and could not have them. Jocasta, sensing the Force had given her an opportunity, offered her newborn daughter to them to repay them for their kindness. The innkeeper and his wife broke down in tears, thanking her profusely. Later that night, as the couple took the girl and Jocasta was alone in her room, Jocasta wept with a mixture of sadness, guilt, and relief.

Before she left Tatooine, Jocasta asked the innkeeper if she might keep in touch with them, for updates on how the girl was doing. The innkeeper told her that they thought it was best for the girl's adjustment to not know she had been given away and not have any kind of interference from Jocasta or other Jedi. Jocasta nodded, saying she understood, but she felt a pang of resentment on the flight back to Coruscant. However, she kept her promise to the innkeeper and his wife - she did not tell Sifo that she had given birth on some remote Outer Rim world called Tatooine.

And the Jedi Order never knew about the pregnancy or the birth. Jocasta intended on taking that secret to her grave.

 

_

When Jocasta was an old woman, still working at the library, there came a report that there had come a boy from Tatooine... a boy with a high midichlorian count, higher than they'd ever seen. Jocasta feared her heart almost stopped when she heard the word "Tatooine". _There's a name I haven't heard in a long time._

The boy was eventually brought to the library. He had dark blonde hair, like hers when she was young; blue eyes, like her own. His name was Anakin. He was the son of a slave, she was told; slavery was a common practice on Tatooine, one that she had found distasteful while she was there.

Knowing he'd been the son of a slave gave her a small sense of relief - she'd left her daughter with a couple that were decidedly not slaves, but had their own business. But as time went on, and she felt a gnawing sense of doubt, she decided to look at his psychological profile, where he'd talked to the counselors about his mother and his childhood. His mother's parents had initially been well-to-do and then a tragedy occurred and the family was sold into slavery, from what little Anakin had been told by his mother. She was young enough to not remember much about her life before it happened.

 _It's a coincidence,_ Jocasta told herself, _that he looks like a small male version of me, and is exactly the kind of Force sensitive that the Jedi Order fear would come from the DNA of two Force sensitives. Anakin Skywalker cannot possibly be my grandson. It's just absurd._

But was it really?

 

_

 

"I want access to the Temple's signal beacon."

"On whose authority?"

Jocasta ignited her blue saber, knowing it would probably be for the last time. She would give her life to afford her librarians some time to destroy the Archives, what she'd worked so hard to build, so the sensitive information therein could not be used for further evil...

...and she would rather lose her life than live with the knowledge that this wretched creature, blood of her blood - she couldn't deny that now, she could _feel_ it - had been responsible for so much atrocity. _You were prophesied to bring balance to the Force, and instead you bring us slaughter of innocents._ The Force felt like a cruel joke now - she had lived for nothing, she would die for nothing... and she intended on having a word with it as soon as she joined Sifo there.

 

_

 

The Force Ghosts of Sifo-Dyas and Jocasta Nu joined hands in the incubation unit of the medical facility on Polis Massa.

 _They're beautiful,_ Sifo said.

Jocasta's Force Ghost nodded - strange, not having muscles and bones for this, but the instincts to move a certain way still there. _It is a shame about their mother. She was a good woman._

_It is a shame about our grandson._

She couldn't keep that from him now, that they were one with the Force, their bond even stronger than before. Sifo felt the sharp sting of her pain, a pain that seemed to echo within the Force itself, tearing its very heart. He squeezed her hand - though neither of them could quite feel it, they could see it, and it reassured them.

Jocasta's Force Ghost walked through the wall, to where Luke and Leia lay in their cribs. _I can sense the Force within them. So strong._ She closed her eyes, and saw the sea of stars in the Galaxy; she could feel the threads converging, a flash of images before her eyes where past, present, and future were one.

 _They will clean up the mess their father made,_ Sifo said. He gave a sigh of deep regret. _The mess that we started, in the corrupt, rotten, dying Republic._

 _I remember thinking just before he killed me that the prophecy was wrong._ Jocasta's Force Ghost hand touched Leia, stroked her cheek, making the baby gurgle; then she pet Luke the same way, smiling at them fondly. _That he had not brought balance to the Force at all. But... he brought these two lives into the universe. Two. Two halves of a greater whole. This was what the prophecy meant all along. Not his destiny, but theirs._

Sifo grunted in affirmation. _And we'd interpreted it as his. And he felt entitled to be special... and look what happened._

Jocasta's Force Ghost nodded - and again, felt self-conscious at the act. _We must not let history repeat itself. It is that sense of entitlement, that prophecy hanging over their heads while they are still young and impressionable... we must keep them from going the way of their father. They must not know who their father is, or anything about any of this. Not until they are old enough, and mature enough, to correctly use that information._

 _Spoken like a true champion of knowledge._ Sifo smiled.

Jocasta saw Obi-Wan Kenobi. She had to fight the urge to hug him tightly, knowing he'd sense her Force Ghost, and that would make the situation more complicated than it already was. So instead she lightly brushed the back of his head, and as he meditated, he was only aware of the Force guiding him in the horrible decision he had to make with regards to their custodianship.

 _Forgive me,_ Jocasta said to her great-grandchildren, before she and Sifo faded away.


End file.
